Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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