not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
