Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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