my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
