I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
