Christians are straight up FREAKS
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
