well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I miss vodka workout Fridays
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
