Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
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