Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
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