Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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