Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
