STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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