So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
