I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
