His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
