so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
