1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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