If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
