How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
