so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
