May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
