Me too!
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
