I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
