i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
