Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
