Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
