That's intense
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
