I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
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I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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