i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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