oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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