There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
