Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
