If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
