It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
