PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
