is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
