You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
