We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
