So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
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You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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