Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
