Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
