im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
