I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
her facebook's as public as her vagina
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
