we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
