Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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