I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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