i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
