For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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