I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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