But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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