I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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