I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
