i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
