i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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