AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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