I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
