my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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