Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
