I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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