He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
