it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
