i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
