i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
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Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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