I skipped work to stalk him.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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