I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
