You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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