So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
