I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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