Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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