Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
