Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not boning my boss.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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