from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
