Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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