we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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