Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
